Strike 5...6...7? Lost count

Why do I have such a strange attachment to my psychiatrist?? He doesn't think things through!!! He's messed up a million times with meds but I still need to go to him because I've been talking to him since I was 16 so that's...6 years..wow. A lot of years of relying on him. Seems we crossed a line *red flag* when patient and doctor become more like friends..I think.
Last night was nothing compared to what he's done in the past but last night he said to increase my sleep aid to 200 mg. I did my research and read that it could cause insomnia but stupid me took it anyway hoping for a miracle...I got no sleep. It's now 5:15 am I'm still awake. Whyyyyy can't I move on...his screw ups have caused:

toxicity***, brain zaps***, suicide attempts**, pain*, illness *, insomnia **, panic attacks **, near death experiences ***, drug misuse**, who knows what else.

* = more than once

I'm...in...deep...shit...

I'm in no way "crazy" I see him to try to wean me off of meds a MORON OVER AT DUKE put me on when I was 14. It's a long process. I'm soo anti-mood med.